Welcome back

Wow, it's been a while since I last used this thing. I probably wouldn't even now, but Whitney thinks I should keep it updated and since she is my best friend I can only follow orders with haste.

Life is good, and this summer has been really nice -well besides a few tripping points where I've lost part of myself and some really good friends. I wonder if I sabotage myself, or just certain relationships in general... I'm not sure what happened, but since some things changed in June it seems like many things in my life have just gone downhill. I have been taking some amazing classes and growing a lot and gaining many useful tools to benefit myself, but at the same time I feel like a babe in a new world and really don't know how to function. It feels like kindergarten again, I've been thrust into a whole new way of life and don't know what to do a lot of the time, and it totally sucks! I feel like as I come to know myself and learn about people, the world, relationships, that I am viewing things differently. But is it a good different? Is what I'm experiencing now a useful step in my life? Well I'm sure it is.... but is it worth what I've lost, how I've been hurt, or maybe hurt others in the process? I don't know. I guess all I can really do from hereon out is just be myself and trust that everything will be okay in the end. I just need to focus on love and always coming from that space, because when I do, I know things will come easier and will flow so much better.

But will that change what's happened this summer? Unfortunately not... and that sucks because I've lost someone very dear to me, and probably hurt this person in the process. Even though I still don't really know all the factors that were involved in this loss (and I'm sure I had much to do with it, if not everything to do with it), without communication I'll never know for sure how I affected this change and what I could've done or can do to recoup my losses and bring about healing.

I guess I just have to leave it to the universe, and trust that things will work out. For I know from here on out my life will be very different than what I am used to. It's going to toss me up like a giant wave at times, and then I'm sure it'll throw me down and hold me under when I least expect it. I guess I'll just have to brace myself, be open to the new and unexplored, and take what life brings. The good, the bad, the beautiful (and the ugly if that's really necessary).